THE FALLEN HERO

As I finished the book of Samuel... Yes… and reveled in the feeling of accomplishment I had to look back at the stories that unfolded.

Not every chapter was revealing or informative, some were down right repetitive and a bit tedious.

But I try to approach the reading with the attitude that, “They must still be there for a reason… so find the reason.” Well, this is what I got out of the 2 Samuel.

The first lesson is that it is easy to label a person bad or good, if you only look at them or know them on the surface. I have read stories about King David before, seen the statues raised in his “image”, and marveled at the paintings. Like most people, I have always seen David as a real Hero, not just a hero, but also a hero of the people. And why not? Isn't that his depiction in all the aforementioned, as a hero with the very essence of righteousness?  Well, that describes David best if you read the first few chapters of 1 Samuel (Chapter 17-24) and then skip right to David’s song in 2 Samuel (Chapter 22). However, if you actually read all the accounts of David once he is King, then you get the picture of a different man entirely.

A man drunk with power, able to kill people at will for defying him or his orders. A man who could kill the messenger that delivered bad news (2 Samuel 1). A man who plotted against one of his own followers and had him killed, just so he could sleep with the man’s wife, Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11). A man who manipulated and at times hid behind the bravery of his warriors but made sure to come forward when it was time to claim the praise and credit (2 Samuel 10-21).

After a thorough reading of David, I almost felt like I did when I heard Magic Johnson had AIDS, or Bill Clinton was cheating. A little shattered, left with that, “Come on, not him too” feeling. Then again, that is what this story of David is all about. It takes you through all the dirt behind the glory and victories, teaching us a two very valuable lesson from two different points of view.  

First: Do not place too much value in the man’s visage, before you learn what is in his heart.

In today’s society of overnight reality stars and pop-rock politicians, it is easy to be engrossed in all the media hype rather than focus on the real details that are important. We engage a lot in frivolously interaction because we try very hard to avoid being hurt or having to be the bearers of something meaningful. Maybe that is why it’s so much easier to just hit the like button on Facebook, rather than to really leave a real message. I think that’s because we all know that to take on a meaningful task would mean to take on more responsibility, more chances to fail, more times to possibly be disappointed or hurt. There is a risk in real interaction and at times a real cost. However it also gives us a chance to be great, to raise the bar for not just ourselves, but for the world around us. To create true blessings were once there was nothing.

Does this mean we should never look up to other people or to never acknowledge someone’s greatness? No. I am not saying that at all. However, I do believe we must measure each person accordingly, always remembering that we are all only human. We must try to remember not to hold people so high up on a pedestal, because if they fall the only outcome is death, sometimes literally. Mistakes will happen. Faults will arise. And sometimes scandals will unfold. This is the way of every human. We are not perfect. In fact, according to science and every religion, especially the bible, we are imperfect.

Our imperfection is probably the very reason why we continue to search for a higher power or a God. Because we long for something that, unlike us, is incapable of getting “it”, wrong. A being that gets it right every time, all the time.   

This leads me to the second lesson from this 2 Samuel:

When you receive a great blessing, whether it is a superpower, a talent, an advantage or awesome athleticism, always remember why you have it. Forget not the creator who blessed you with it. Forget not the mission or the destiny that you are aligned with. The skills or talents you have are only here for a short time, make the best use of them that you can. Use them for good, or in David’s case use them for God. Do not let your talents go untested and unused. Understand that you cannot just hoard them away expecting them to be there forever.

Gifts are given to you for a purpose. Because they are appointed to you in this world, I propose that they are for you to use for this world, and by that I mean for the betterment of this world, and by this world I mean for the people in it. Cause what is a planet without its inhabitants… Mars, Jupiter, Pluto… in other words just another rock.

When I read this story, I almost could not get through it. I almost put it on the deferred list to come back to another time, but now I am glad I completed it.

The other thing I took away from this was the idea that maybe the reason we all continue to search for perfection in others and ourselves, is because just like us, God is doing the same thing. We’re created in his likeness, so in his likeness we have his love, his creativeness, his thoughtfulness, his righteousness, his anger, his vengeance, his courageousness, his compassion and just maybe… his imperfection.

After reading about God sending evil spirits onto Saul, it made me look at God in a completely new light.

The God I read about in the Book of Samuel used his good and evil simultaneously to generate different outcomes and at times to prove a point. He moved people to react in compassionate ways, but also in malicious ways. Some of the things that took place definitely did not sound like the perfect plan to me. Choosing a King, who turns around and defies you several times, does not sound so perfect. However, if in that defiling King, you can teach millions a very valuable lesson about trust and love, then I say OK, I get it. Maybe it is not whether or not it is the perfect plan, but rather if it works.

Maybe I am saying all this because it makes me feel better as a flawed human being. Maybe I am saying this because it makes it easier for me to feel less judged by God. On the other hand, maybe I am saying it because it makes God a more understandable being to me. Maybe I am saying it because God “told me to”. Maybe I am saying it because it makes logical sense to only me.

All or none of these could be true. What I do know is that I gained a closer understanding of God and mankind, after reading The Book of Samuel. If that was the plan, I guess it worked.

Therefore, today’s lesson will be to make the best use of the talents I have today for the greater good of mankind, and to practice being thankful for having them.

Wow, that takes a lot of hot air out of being arrogant. This is exactly what I was yesterday in several major ways. Guess I should have read this passage sooner.

No House for Me.

In reading, the second installment of Samuel I found a passage that spoke to me. For a long time I searched hard, trying to figure out if going to church is important… to be more accurate if it was important for building my connection with God. For creating my personal relationship with God, which I always felt loses its intimacy when I have to involve a whole community of people.

The thought that some people believe that the best way to get connected to God is to seek him through the words of others, has always bothered me.

I have noticed that in the bible when God talks to someone it is normally when they are alone. One on One. The characters portrayed and revered the most in the bible are the ones who have a very personal connection to God.

In 2 Samuel 7, David decides he wants to build a house for the LORD, where he will rest the arc of the Lord. However, God sends message through David’s messenger that He being God Almighty, needs no man to build a house for his Name. That in fact he will build his own house through his own son.

Of course, this leads me to question why so many Christians or Catholics, attend church every Sunday.

I have read a good deal of the New Testament, enough to know that the Son of God, Jesus, never established a “house of cedar” for God. In addition, I know enough to know that the house that God is referring to in this chapter is the connection of the loving spirit between God and his people. The house Jesus creates is the human vassal in which God can dwell.

So why should we go to church on Sunday morning? Is it for the sense of community, a need to be around like-minded people, the feeling to be accepted? If God himself speaks out against men building churches in his name, then wouldn’t going to a church built by man almost be blasphemous?

Is it not arrogant to believe that we modern day people have the right to do something that could told one of his most devoted and trusted followers not to do.

So today, I am going to make a vow to continue to pose this question to my church going friends…

Why do you go to Church?

THE MIRACLE BESIDE US

THE MIRACLE AROUND US

So two things were expressed to me the other day from a reader about the Old Testament: 1. It is full of many doom and gloom stories. 2. The stories presented can at times be very daunting and confusing, riddled with ambiguities in the plot and the message it tells. 

I think this is one of the reasons religion seems so perplexed and puzzling to me. 

Therefore, first I would like to thank, the readers for sharing that with me. Cause I have always read the bible with a kind of “maybe it’s just me”, sentiment. However, it is nice to know that, if we are being honest, than I am not alone. 

1 Samuel 24:13 “Out of the wicked comes wickedness.”

1 Samuel 24: 17 “you are more righteous than I, because you have repaid me good, whereas I have repaid you evil.”

Saul recognizes that he has been wrong and harsh in his judgments of David, fueled by the words of wicked encouragement from jealous men.

We learn through Saul to be mindful of the company we keep as we continue to move up in the world. Remember to weigh well the trust and kinship that you have developed with others, because new followers or so called friends will try to fuel and guide you to inequity.

In his quest to kill David, Saul ignores the words of those who care about him most. His son Jonathan warns him to leave David alone. David himself begs him to not harm him and pleas that he loves Saul as a father. However, only when Saul hears the same message from the spirit of Samuel does he take heed.

Why, so long Saul?

This story reminded me of something my mother told me a long time ago. “Miracles don’t always have to come falling out of the sky. They can be just as powerful and profound if they come from the person right next to you.”

We are often so busy looking for something great in order proclaim it as a Miracle (or the will of God), that we forget how much of a Miracle life is. If you truly embrace life as a miracle than that means those around you sometimes perform miracles by being present in your life when you need them.

In 1 Samuel 30:6 it says that, “David was greatly distressed… but David encouraged himself in his God.” To me this means David had to take into account all that he had witnessed and had done. All the good people God had provided to him, from Jonathan to Abigail. He had to remember how God has kept me [Freudian slip]… how God kept him alive and had always been there for him. Considering these things, David was able to shake off his despair and move in a more positive direction and entrusting those around him to help him win the battle.

Today I will not take for granted the great people that are in my life.

Thus ends my reading of 1 Samuel. "Another book bites the dust." 

Think before you speak.

I apologize for the disappearing act.  I spent the last several days in Arizona working at a magnificent Hotel/Resort that had no Internet connection. Of course, they advertise they have wi-fi, but neither my co-workers nor I were able to access it even after paying the $50 fee. Therefore, I could not post the new blog entries, but I kept a journal of them and so I could send them to you now.

1 Samuel 25: 20-35

After protecting and guarding Nabal’s livestock David goes to him and ask him for reimbursement for his men. However, Nabal dismisses David refusing to repay him. David vows to wage war upon the house of Nabal and to striking down ever male in his house by morning.

The interesting part of this story is that David, anointed by God as the next great King and one who is righteous, sets out to destroy not only a man, but also a village of people, all because of the inequities of Nabal. However, every time David had the chance to kill Saul, who was hell-bent on destroying David, he spares Sauls life, showing great humility and grace.  So, what is going on here? How can David feel justified in killing dozens of innocent children and men, but feel bad about killing one man in self-defense?

Is it because Saul was once a great leader and an anointed King of God? Is it because he fears that every chance he had to kill Saul was in a sneaky or dishonorable fashion? What stays his hand for one but not for many?

I will deposit that the answer lies within the way David believes in God. It seems to me he believes that God gives him the ability, even the right to destroy nations of people, because they are not the chosen ones. However, in the case of Saul, he looks at him as one of the Chosen few. He sees Saul as part of the special people, which is why, even though God delivers Saul to him twice, he is unable to bring harm to Saul, for fear that he may be going against God’s will.

I will go one more step further than David and say that I believe were are all God’s creation and because of that, we are all the special or chosen people.

Anyway, in the end of the story of Nabal, Nabal’s wife saves his life by paying homage to David, and begging for her husband’s forgiveness. Her words of kindness and wisdom stop David from destroying her village and the men in it.

This is the most important part of the story, because David the “righteous man” shows he possesses bad judgment. He believes he has the Lords blessing to slaughter those that oppose him, if they are not the chosen ones. However, David learns through Abigail that maybe it is not God’s plan for him to slaughter anyone who opposes him. That maybe God has more special people than David knows.

This really speaks volumes to me about the state of the world we live in. There are people (or Nation) who always seem to justify the slaughtering of another (Nation) by saying, “Hey this is what God wants us to do, and we are the chosen ones of righteousness.” Maybe it is time for more of us to stand up, take the Abigail position, and speak some words of wisdom into the ears of the David’s of the world.

Today, I will not be afraid to speak out when I see an injustice committed.

So, if your boss is bullying your co-worker, speak up!

If someone is laughing at or harassing the homeless guy on the corner, speak up!

If someone is making sexiest comments in the boy or girl’s club, speak up!

As we see in Abigail’s case, a little wisdom goes a long way.

The obstacle and the purpose.

So, continuing my post from yesterday's intense reading of 1 Samuel 1-25.

There has always been something that bothered me about the teachings of Christianity that never quite made any sense to me. The idea that God doesn't create obstacles or do bad things, that is to say the things that we perceive as bad or wrong. It somewhat always made me feel like I was back in Jr. High reading from my American history book, which always had something omitted or whitewashed, so that it everything that we read about America would seem OK. 

Example: In the bible God commands his people to slaughter women, babies and children all the time. Now if we found out the President order his men to slaughter women, babies and children, we would say that was wrong. But for some reason when we read it in the bible we are suppose to be Okay with that. Well, all I can say is, I am not OK with that and yes, I think it is wrong. 

Example 2: 1 Samuel 18:10, 16:14-16, and 16:23. "But the Spirit of the Lord departed from Saul and an evil spirit from the Lord troubled him." "And Saul's servants said 'Behold now, an evil spirit from the God troubles thee." "And it came to pass that when the evil spirit from God was upon Saul, that David would take up his harp and played: so Saul was refreshed and was well, and the evil spirit departed."* 

I have found that whenever this is mentioned at church, someone always gives a whitewash answer like, "Hey, it was God's will and he knows best." Now, I can accept that but to that I must add, that if you say that this is God's will then you must accept that God's will, may not always be on the side of what we perceive as right or good. Sometimes it is God's will to have evil done. Alternatively, we must at least concede to idea that God does orchestrate disaster and obstacles of evil in our way to sometimes get a message across. Not every bad thing that befalls you is the devils fought or done by some rogue demon. Some of these evil deeds are actually God's doing. 

I will concede that no matter what, the Creator, being of greater intelligence and broader scope, is able to see the greatness in the sacrifice or in the evil deeds. And it is in this reflection that I find some comfort. However, I wonder sometimes. If we deny the fact, that God has control over all (good and evil), than do we learn the lesson he has placed in front of us. In addition, by deny it, are we only destined to have to repeat it? In my spiritual beliefs, I believe in a God of love and harmony, but that is in a bit of contradiction with the God that I read about in the bible. As I said this is where I differ with Christianity. 

*The outcome of this evil spirit being upon Saul is that it leads him to jealousy against David, whom he tries to kill several times, but when David resists the urge to retaliate he and Saul both learn a lesson about restraint and second guessing what you may think is right. In this case, what you may think is God's will. (You'll find the conclusion later in 1 Samuel 24: 8-21) 

Therefore, what I take away from the first installation of 1 Samuel is to question what I believe God wants from me and to measure it right. Because why God may have the ability to control both evil and good, I probably should stay focused on the path of good, because crossing the fence to evil may be a pathway from which I cannot return.

Today’s exercise is for me to practice restraint and to refine humility in myself. To know that, even when I feel my actions are justified I may still want to question if they are good or right.

Why Not Me?

As I read thru 1 Samuel today I noticed a few interesting topics for thought. 

The first is in Ch. 3 v1... "And the word of the Lord was precious those days; there were no open visions."

Which made me wonder, why is having visions not an accepted practice in today's society? Moreover, if it were, would we think of those people who had them as freaks, witches, or crazy people? If a woman walked into her local church right now and told everyone she had a vision from God that the there would be an attack on a school or store. How would we react to her? I think the people of that church would disregard her, as a raving loony and she would become the laughing stock of her town. What if I man claimed to hear the voice of God telling him to do things? We would have him locked up faster then he could say, "it's true." (Unless that man was Steve Jobs and God was telling him to give away free Ipads). 

It seems like whenever we get a sign from people that there might be a God, our first inclination is to shoot them down. Now, I would expect that kind of reaction from an Atheist. But what about the Christians, Catholics and Muslims? Should they be more willing to listen? To believe. After reading Samuel and many other stories in the bible it would seem that if you are a believer in God, it’s almost your duty to be accepting of the things that appear not so normal or a bit strange. After all, supernatural abilities or powers are a part of the things Jesus said we possess.  Jesus told Peter he had the ability to walk on water... but first you must believe. (paraphrasing of course)

So, what has happened? Where has the belief of those who claim to be the believers gone? I remember reading about all the Christian parents who protested against the HARRY POTTER serious claiming it to it be evil and a promoter of witchcraft. This wasn’t just one or two isolated incidents; this was millions of Christian/Catholic parents from New York to New Zealand. I mean Harry Potter has nowhere as many stories of people doing magic (witchcraft) as the Bible does. The Old and New Testament are filled with people doing supernatural feats, stuff that makes Potter look like Samantha from 'Bewitch'. 

Why shouldn’t kids be encouraged to believe within themselves? Why not expose kids to the idea that we as spiritual beings have an ability to do extraordinary things: Things that most men and women may not understand or believe in, but great powerful things all the same. 

Could it be that the reason "there were no open visions", was because people stopped believing in what we are truly capable of, so God stopped channeling through us. He stopped empowering us with great abilities, cause much like dumb children with a sophisticated toy, we proved to inept to use them let alone understand them. On the other hand, maybe we became so busy with the idea of ‘having to know or understand’ how every thing works, that we forgot the importance of actually doing things. 

"Sometimes you have to do something first to know how it works." 

  ---Herbert Hunt (my grandfather who told me that once when I was reading about how to play the guitar)

Well, that was a lot longer than what I expected to write. I guess I will hold on to the other two things for another time. 

However, today I ask all of you to take a pledge with me. A pledge to not be afraid to believe. To believe in what is in your heart and in your spirit. To believe in what, I think, are the gifts and talents that were given to us from God long ago. Gifts we still possess, which are just waiting to be opened. 

Maybe God is speaking to you or me right now. Maybe we can do things we thought or were told were impossible. What if walking on water was just the beginning? 

What's stopping you from do it? What's stopping me? Today I will do something extraordinary... today I will believe.  

How far is too far? How much is too much?

Well the first thing that I have realized about creating this blog is that if I wanna keep it up, I’m going to have to start everyday with a journal entry. 

Yesterday, I finished the Book of Ruth, mainly because I wanted to read something from the Bible I had never heard stories of or read. A real fresh start. In addition, it was a little confidence booster to be able to say, "I finished one entire book in the bible."

Well, as some of you may or may not know, the story of Ruth is a story of a woman (non-Israelite) who chose to stay with her mother-in-law (Naomi), accepting the Judaic lifestyle and worship the God of Israel, after the deaths of her husband, brother-in-law and father-in-law (Naomi's husband). After returning to Naomi's homeland, Ruth finds favor with one of the upper-class men there and he soon takes her as his wife. They have a son, who becomes the grandpa of King David, leader of the Jews. 

The first interesting thing about this story is that Naomi, a supposed believer of God, is convinced that God is against her, and that she must be cursed to have suffered such a tragedy as losing both her sons and husband. She felt dejected and tried to push out of her life the people that still loved her most, her two daughter-in-laws, Ruth and Orpah. After awhile she was able to convince Orpah to leave (I'm trying... very... hard... resist... the urge... to make... a Harpo joke), but Ruth would not budge. She wanted to stay on with Naomi even though she had tried to vehemently to push her away. In the end it is through Ruth's persistence that Naomi is able to have her first grandson, Obed, in whom she is overjoyed. Moreover, because of this gift Naomi finds restoration in her faith in God. 

Another interesting point is that Ruth leaves behind her family and traditions to go with Naomi, with nothing more than the bond of love and care as her guide. Why? Why, give up everything you know, for some selfish person who rejects you? Think of all the stuff Ruth sacrificed to try to aid Naomi. This really turns the whole, “blood is thicker than water” cliché on its head.

I wonder how Ruth must have felt. I can relate to the feeling of being shut out from someone's life that I have loved... having had people I’ve tried to help push me away. I know that after being rejected for a while you feel like, "OK, well forget it, you're on your own… I give up!" Is that the right thing to do? I don’t know. However, in Ruth's case it would have really messed things up if she had not been brave enough to see it through and be even more persistent. 

So today, I am going to try to use this as a lesson for me to be stronger when others are weak. When someone comes at me with rejections, I will show acceptance. When someone says no, I won't get mad and I won't secretly dream of punching them in the face. Instead, I will try to think about Ruth, and think about how King David would have never been born if she had let Naomi's rejection get her down. Today I will give of myself willing expecting nothing back in return. Helping only because I care.

This story begs the question: When is enough, enough? Where do you draw the line and say I quit?  However more importantly, the story exemplifies that if you believe in something deep in your heart you will know that there is no line and there can never be enough. 

Ok, now I feel like Morpheus. Well, I guess I’ll go all the way with it then and say… 

Sometimes, those around us are unable to see the big picture and like Naomi, the obstacle directly in front of them stunts them. Someone has to be the Phil Jackson and be able to see beyond the present situation. 

Today that someone will be me.

The Search Begins.

Well, if you are anything like me than I guess you wondering, "What the heck does this title mean", The Agnostic's Search for Jesus.

Simply put: It will be my spiritual quest for the next 365 days to read through and find ways to apply the Words of the Bible to my life, and by doing so I hope to find Jesus' truth in these Words. 

"Well, why not just entitle your blog 'Reading the Bible in 365 days'." Good question. 

Answer: Given my background, raised in a home that was spiritual but not religious, my mom taught me that all religions were cults. I grew up believing that those who followed religions were not that far away from those who would drink the purple Kool-Aid. Simple put, I used to believe that to be a religious person you probably had to be a tad bit crazy. Well, over the years my views have changed, I no longer think of all religious people as nut jobs, but I do still find a bit of truth in what my mother said. As I continue to search for the meaning to life, my level of spirituality has begun to expand far beyond anything I could have ever imagined. However, I must admit that I owe this new expansion to several friends of mine who just happen to be apart of the “Purple Kool-Aid” community.

I like to believe that my life is governed by reasoning and logic, which tells me that the absence of proof or explanation does not necessarily mean something, is untrue or nonexistent. Logically I cannot explain to you exactly how the brain works, or how nuclear energy operates but I do know they exist and they work. 

"So, what is the purpose of this blog?" In short, it is a way for me to try to solve some questions I have about God, Jesus, his rules, his laws, and the way of humankind. I have a fascination with our obsession with spirituality, religion and for things that appear out of our control.   

I have a theory that if one can except something like "The Secret", Tony Robbins' "Unlimited Power", the teachings of Buddha or the practice of meditation, then one may just as well be able to accept that Allah is God, Jesus is the Savior, the laws of Moses and the traditions of the Hindu. Could I be wrong? Sure. However, I think the scarier thing for most people is... Could I be right?

To all of my religious followers out there who may be offended by the above statement I ask you to think upon the words of your teachings and be not quick to anger or judgment. To my fellow Agnostic's, I ask you simply to bear with me, because as those who have not really found an answer I feel the best chance for truth resides in our search. 

That is why I began my search. I once read, "if you seek, you will find and if you knock then the door will be opened to you". 

So now, I go looking for the door to knock on.